One step at a time 0
Is it me or is time just passing far too quickly? We’re nineteen days into the new year and when I reflect, I have achieved very little. I can’t believe that I used to blog every day for two years…
The Scottish weather, as per usual, has been dreadful. We’ve recently had the worst hurricane-like winds which has caused devastation up and down the country, including destroying our glass greenhouse at the family home. Truthfully I’m just looking forward to the warmer weather and hope that summer 2012 is a lot better than last year. In fact, I hope that 2012 is a lot better than last year but as you’re about to read, I’ve had a bumpy kick-start.
The first party of the year was the annual staff gathering which is hosted up at our partner hotel in Perth. Co-workers and friends alike will know that I’ve been excited about it for months and ensured I had the perfect outfit. Brocade 28″ black corset over a custom-made red pencil skirt with a massive bow sewn on the back, complimented with striped tights, patent red Doc Martin style heels and pin-up influenced make-up. Unfortunately, on the day of the event, everything went topsy-turvy and within 20 minutes everything that could go wrong – went wrong. Unpacking my outfit, I tried on my custom skirt to discover that it wouldn’t fit alongside the corset as it high-waisted. This resulted in me having to wear a different skater-style skirt which wasn’t what I had intented so bam, instant disappointment. I had purchased lip tattoos from an online beauty retailer, cheaper replicas of the famous ‘Violent Lip’ collection. With my makeup station set up, I started cutting out the design and following the instructions that I was oh so familar with. However, when it came down to the application, the cheap design resulted in a bad lip print which chipped off almost instantly. Another failure. The third and final downflaw – because everything happens in threes – was my corset. I loosened it up as I normally do and as I adjusted it around my frame, the clip got caught on my left nipple piercing and as I lifted it up, it tore quite brutally, leaving the jewellery hanging on by a couple of cells. I just stood in shock as my nipple was torn from right to left, blood running down my stomach as I called out to my partner to offer assistance. Thankfully he was able to remove the piercing and after quickly cleaning the wound, I was pulled into my 28″ waist corset and had to instantly jump into the car for a lift across town to the bus to take us to Perth. It’s fair to say that I was unnerved for the rest of the night and feared the true damage of my nipple. I sat in the corner of the party all night, not drinking, not speaking to anyone, feeling sorry for myself.
A week later and I was cursed with the worst flu bug that I’ve suffered since summer last year. I was bed-bound for six days and popped a countless amount of pills to try speed up the recovery time. Yep, things haven’t been great.
Three days ago resulted in the removal of yet another piercing, my tongue web. I’ve been undergoing standard dental check-ups and after being told that my tongue web was a criminal for harbouring bacteria, it’s been on my ‘to-do’ list to get it removed. Whilst at my latest appointment the hygienist took it upon herself to remove the piercing herself, a procedure involving two pairs of pliyers, a lot of strength and a very sore jaw. Eventually the ball popped off and the minute barbell was removed much to the joy of me and all the staff who crowded around me who had never seen a tongue web piercing.
With a sparkling clean mouth, I’ve finally got the motivation and creativity that I require to change the things that upset me about myself. I’m going to spend the next few months battling against my weight and have already started focussing on healthy eating and planning up a work-out regime. The intention is to downsize from a UK size 14 back down to a size 10 – borderline 12 – by the summer. I’ve also decided that I want a change of style and have intensions of bleaching the lower half of my hair and gradually working to fade it to a white silver with hints of lilac throughout.
I am also working on taking life less seriously and trying to ‘love’ myself. My main goal is to become more of a smiley/happy person because being a “sour puss” is not an attractive trait. One step at a time, I guess.
Normally I hide away from the camera so I’m slowly conquering my fears by allowing my friends to take photographs. I argue that I’m not photogenic and until I lose the desired weight, I will continue to say so but above is one of the few photos that I can tolerate and publish online. The girl to my right is Sarah (Smyles) – the best person I met in 2011 – and this is one of my favourite photos of us together.
I need to let my little cloud of troubles just float away and learn to become more positive. Too many strings are holding me down so 2012 is the time to lighten and liven up! The era of a brand new me!